So.. Theres a few people who read this, who know me personally, and, know the problems I’ve had with my mental health over the last few years.
This post is to go a little bit in depth into something, which I’m doing, with the support of my friends, and colleagues.
I’ve been through therapy before, both CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, which looks at how you think and behave, and how this affects your mental health), counselling, which helped, and various other means of trying to get back on the straight and narrow.
One thing that came up, was how events that happened in my life over 20 years ago, when I was a young lad just trying to find my way at school, and in life, have had a profound effect on how I perceive things, how I act, and most of all, how I cope with things.
This is something that I’m trying hard to change, but, such is the nature of the ingrainedness of my thought process, that, its going to take effort. My last lot of counselling and therapy finished in January last year (2018), and, at that time, I was feeling better than I had for a long time. However, anyone who has suffered from depression, knows the biggest risks are not at the bottom, but on the descent to that, and, the return up the other side.
This is what leads me to writing this.
In February last year, I had several things go off in my personal life, which knocked my head for six, and I’d had enough. I was, literally, 10 minutes from ending it all, and if it wasn’t for a group of people who I won’t name here, but, they know who they are, I doubt I would be here to tell the tale.
The biggest thing that came out of this, was the amount of people who’ve never met me who reached out and offered support. I even had Doncaster Rovers midfielder James Coppinger, whom, I’ve never met, reach out and say that if I ever got in that position again, to reach out to him, and he’d listen.
I suppose thats the biggest thing. Listening. I’ve always said that if anyone wants to moan about something, then, I’m more than happy to listen. My problem is opening up with my problems, it always has been, and probably, always will be. I prefer to keep myself to myself, and have a small group of friends and acquaintances who ‘know’ me.
I also ended up having 8 weeks off work later on in the year, as I tried to come to terms with the fact I was massively struggling again.
At first, I felt my direct management at work weren’t supportive, however, once I sat down with them, and managed to open up, we found a common ground, and started to discuss the support that was available.
In late July, I saw a psychiatric nurse who worked as part of the Occupational Health team at work, who agreed with the diagnosis that my GP had offered, and said that he would support me returning to work, but, felt that I would need to go through CBT to aid my recovery.
Returning to work after a time off with mental health issues, is always difficult, but, my colleagues were fantastic in the support offered.
It took nearly 6 months for the appointment for CBT to come, now, whether this is indicative of the massive push on looking at MH issues in everyday life, or just that the process was slow.
I don’t write this for anyone to read, I write now, just to clear my head. I’m still not great, probably won’t be great for a long time, but, I’m coping. I’ll get to a point where I’m happy with things.
I’ll get there soon, thanks for reading.